tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post8294754356319001888..comments2023-11-27T09:08:59.447-08:00Comments on Keep Me Curly!: The Great What if? - Part 2Katie and Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09599913531766586871noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-80737957870155165222010-09-18T09:42:15.067-07:002010-09-18T09:42:15.067-07:00This is my first post. These "What If?"...This is my first post. These "What If?" posts are an interesting topic. <br /><br />Even though my mom is Black. I still had a lot of insecurities about my hair. I often felt I didn't measure up to my Caucasian counterparts. Unlike Mocha Mom, who is natural, my mom straightened her hair. So even though my Mom is Black, I still didn't have a natural example to learn from. She also straightened my hair as well. So I got the message early that straight hair was easier to take care of.<br /><br />I didn't get my first relaxer until I was a teenager. However, my mom began pressing my hair with a straightening comb at about age six. Because of this, mother rarely ever allowed me to go swimming or run through the lawn sprinklers. She didn't want my hair to kink up. When she sent me to school, she made sure I carried an umbrella and rain bonnet with me so in case it rained, my hair wouldn't revert. <br /><br />I envied how combs just glide through my Caucasian counterpart's hair like melted butter. I hated how the combs didn't glide through my mine. In fact my hair broke the teeth out of combs.I felt really insecure when I saw my Caucasian counterparts swimming, taking part in water sports, and playing out in the rain with their heads uncovered like they didn't have a care in the world. I hated that my mother held me back from participating in those activities. When I would ask my mom why I couldn't go swimming. She would say, "Because you will mess up your hair. SweetThang, you can't do what the White girls do because you don't...(Excuse me for saying this but my mom is old school and she is set in her ways) ...because you don't have 'Good Hair'". So that let me know at an early age that something was wrong with my hair. It was bad, unmanageable, unruly, and difficult to deal with.<br /><br />Katie and Steph, you do such a good job with your girls hair. Please encourage them not to use chemicals in their hair and love their natural hair texture while they are young. I didn't learn to love my hair texture until I was an adult and decided to stop relaxing my hair over a year ago.SweetThanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16342509011322079973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-78118565391805971082010-09-16T20:36:03.988-07:002010-09-16T20:36:03.988-07:00One thing I try to do is always say "get heal...One thing I try to do is always say "get healthy" rather than "lose weight." I am overweight but I don't want G to fall into that trap of wanting to be stick thin because that is what she is bombarded with in the media and society. Being too overweight is as bad as being too underweight. So I try to never make "fat" a 4 letter word (the doc thinks she is some pounds too heavy..she is "thick") because for girls in our society today, it is one. Get/Stay/Be Healthy is so much more powerful than Don't Get Fat, which is what girls fear. I try to remember to encourage the positive. Of course it has to apply to me too! THat is the hard part!<br /><br />StephKatie and Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09599913531766586871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-11897418550850212752010-09-16T20:23:17.450-07:002010-09-16T20:23:17.450-07:00Bless you, Katie. What a wonderful thing you are d...Bless you, Katie. What a wonderful thing you are doing for your daughters--teaching them to love themselves just the way they are and be grateful for who they are. Yes, they will face many challenges and pressure as they grow up because of images in the media and society, but you are setting a wonderful example for them and they will be stronger because of it and be able to face the world with confidence because of what you are instilling in them now.<br />And I am MEGA-impressed with your videos. Kudos to you! You've given me some ideas for things to do with my daughter's hair. So, go you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400609085980774735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-20114852378675591522010-09-16T19:12:36.695-07:002010-09-16T19:12:36.695-07:00AMEN! Our family is very international and we have...AMEN! Our family is very international and we have all hair types! Learning what to do with my African born daughter's hair has been challenging. You have helped us a whole lot. I don't like relaxers, the same way I don't like perms for my more white daughters. We allowed our oldest to perm her hair when she saved enough of her own money to do it. It was an experience for her, but not one I think she will repeat.<br /><br />I hope that my perseverance and learning curve in styling her hair gives her hope that we can always learn new things.<br /><br />Debbie GThe Googeg'shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03074676892659798972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-10174685306606876732010-09-16T17:19:55.157-07:002010-09-16T17:19:55.157-07:00As a white mom, I so appreciate what you say about...As a white mom, I so appreciate what you say about finding common ground. I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice by discrediting our life experience because they are not black life experiences. I'm not black and can't ever be. But that doesn't mean I don't have a general idea of how certain things feel and that includes body image.kayder1996https://www.blogger.com/profile/10163830032652646010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-89766363869172275802010-09-16T14:58:04.282-07:002010-09-16T14:58:04.282-07:00WONDERFUL post! My 4 year old half black daughter ...WONDERFUL post! My 4 year old half black daughter has very tight curls and we struggle with her acceptance of styling her hair quite often. While she loves her curls she wants to wear her hair down or just up in a ponytail like mine. It is sometimes hard for me to explain to her why she doesn't get to wear her hair down all the time or just in 1 ponytail. I just explain that her hair gets frizzy and breaks when not in cornrows or some other protective style. She has seen me use a flat iron on my hair from time to time and asked me to straighten her hair once. I had the time so I did. She looked like a completely different person! (To be honest I really didn't like seeing her hair that way) I was beaming with Joy when about 30 minutes later she came to me and said "So mom, how do we get my hair back to curly?" I informed her all we have to do is wash it. to which she replied "Oh, good! can we do that now. I miss my curls!"<br />Anyway! your blog and You tube videos have been wonderful and so helpful to me. <br />God Bless<br />TiffanyAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06375618836045367061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-1199343493870428142010-09-16T12:20:28.878-07:002010-09-16T12:20:28.878-07:00Katie,
I *really* appreciate your thoughts. I fe...Katie, <br />I *really* appreciate your thoughts. I feel the same way. I want my daughter to know that she was created by God and given beautiful hair by Him and I so want her to love her natural hair because of it! We tell her how beautiful she is/her hair is all the time, and I truly hope she thinks so, too- as she gets older. I think you made a really good point that it begins with US, as mothers- and how we handle our own insecurities; how we can embrace those (the stretch marks, the extra fat on our tummies from babies, etc) with grace and a thankful heart and ultimately, acceptance for what God has given us!Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13485518521402606014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-72325764215813251232010-09-16T07:38:47.415-07:002010-09-16T07:38:47.415-07:00Amazing post! Thank you for reiterating what shoul...Amazing post! Thank you for reiterating what should be the obvious regarding beautiful curly, coiled hair. As a Caucasian mom of a beautiful 4yo 4b black princess through the miracle of adoption I am pressured often to relax and cut her hair. I do admit that I had been tempted in the past because her hair is a lot of work but thankfully I found your videos and this blog and now I am committed more than ever to embracing my daughter's beautiful hair in its natural, God-given state.<br /><br />Thank you again for taking the time to provide such a wonderful source of inspiration to me and so many others and for sharing your talents and enthusiasm for Afro hair.<br /><br />Blessings,<br /><br />Lisa <br /><br />I have forwarded your blog link to my foster care agency and also an adoption agency I work with and they are grateful as well.Lisa - blessed2fosteradoptnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-84703529036186160422010-09-16T06:51:10.306-07:002010-09-16T06:51:10.306-07:00I also wanted to let you know, I learned how to do...I also wanted to let you know, I learned how to do the criss cross cornrows from watching your video! I'm not as good as you by no means, but whenever I do them, my daughter gets lots of compliments!Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12714656708293918897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-30552961707542055072010-09-16T06:48:59.148-07:002010-09-16T06:48:59.148-07:00Katie, I feel the same way you do- God made everyo...Katie, I feel the same way you do- God made everyone who they are and there is no way to get around it. No matter what you do to your appearance, you will still be the same person inside. I was'nt so lucky having acne, being over weight and having glasses my whole life- no one was there to tell me I was still a beautiful person. Instead, my family, even my own mother, pointed out my flaws constantly, making me feel even worse. That really ruined my life, but I knew all along that when I had kids, I was not going to ruin their self esteem by making fun of them in any way. I just ignore all the "Cut her hair", "I would straighten her hair if I was you" that I hear from my family all the time and tell my daughter to do the same. All of the negativity of family is what caused me to end up ruining my sons hair, and almost stopped me from trying to do any type of style in my daughters hair- ESPECIALY corn rows! I am glad I got over trying to please everyone else. I wish that I could have seen this blog when my kids first came along- or even before. Even though my kids are just half black, I still am going through what you go through trying to convince my daughter that her hair and skin are beautiful even though they are different than mine. I always tell her I wish I had her hair, I love it! All of your posts are so sweet and you have given me lots of ideas for my daughters hair. She has gotten even more compliments, making her feel even better about her hair. I hope you keep this blog going until your kids grow up and move out!Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12714656708293918897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487983111720513109.post-66822824723319827162010-09-16T06:24:57.918-07:002010-09-16T06:24:57.918-07:00I allowed someone to relax my foster daughter'...I allowed someone to relax my foster daughter's hair before I knew much about taking care of her hair. The reason for relaxing her hair was to help me take care of it. It was explained that straight hair would be easier for me.<br /><br />The result was terrible. My FD has thin hair and relaxing it seemed to make it seem even thinner. There was breakage at places where I feel that too much relaxer was placed on her scalp...so she has lost more hair since coming to my home resulting in more comments by the biological family and some of the AA community about my ability to care for her. (she had extensions in her hair when she came to me that caused breakage at the temples and along the hair line)<br /><br />My FD loved her straight hair and would beg to wear it down - with no pony tails or beads. I gave in for almost a week, but her hair would be such a mess when she returned from school...so I put my foot down and had to tell her "No. You are to wear "little girl's hair". Relaxed hair is for bigger girls." I then proceeded to point out other girls her age wearing more "age appropriate styles" and showing her teenagers and college students wearing the relaxed styles.<br />Now that her hair is "coming back" I make sure to state how excited I am to see her "real hair" growing back. When I comb and restyle her hair I'll make comments about how full and thick her hair is coming in.<br /><br />But I'm like you...a white mom with a black daughter, who has another daughter (biracial) who has Caucasian-type hair. It is difficult to relate to her feelings of wanting to fix her hair like her sister's (i.e., my daughter). My FD is having some self confidence issues with the fact that her "momma" is white and not like her...but then she will comment how happy she is at our home and how she loves to live in our house.<br /><br />It's a great growing experience for all of us. I wouldn't trade these past 10 months for anything and I hope she feels the same.<br /><br />Thanks so much for sharing and teaching others...for helping us white moms build our confidence so that we can build confident and beautiful daughters!Denisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08611694346647707087noreply@blogger.com